Memories

I’m sorry there are song lyrics in this short story that I did italicise when I wrote it. However, that does not work here so I have had to put the lyrics in brackets. I hope this does not distrupt the flow. It has took me over a year to have the balls to post on here. I suffer with Dyspraxia quite bad so there will be mistakes that I have not picked up on, even though I read this so many times lol.

She sits in the bay window like she does every morning when she has taken the children to school. She sips her glass of coke and embraces the silence. She never puts the TV on it dampens her thoughts. Outside the rain falls and the trees seem to dance with each other in slow unison. It’s dark but she doesn’t turn the light on. She starts to play her music and several different artist have played already. The next track is the one she normally skips straight away but todays different. Only her facial expressions change.
It takes her somewhere far away with tears in her eyes she watches herself as a child sitting on the rug that was once in her parent’s house. (LA’S fine, the sun shines most of the time and the feeling is laid back). She looks over onto the sofa which is facing the rug and the brick fire place. She sees her dad dressed in the worn out jeans he always wore and the short sleeve shirt that had a kind of 70’s pattern on it in brown and cream. It wasn’t buttoned but then it would have been weird if it had have been. He sits like he always did with his legs crossed with his ankle resting on his other knee. (Well I’m in New York City born and raised but nowadays I’m lost between two shores). When the chorus kicked in it was his time to shine right from his boots, (I am I said to no one there and no one heard at all not even the chair).
She sits and watches her watching her dad with the youthful eyes she once had. She can hear the questions she used to ask why are you so sad dad? Why do you do that silly thing with your body? She knew nothing, nothing but innocence. He knew, He knew exactly why he was upset but how could he explain it to her she was too young to understand. (Leaving me lonely still). He wanted to tell her that he was trapped in this body that didn’t feel like his anymore. He wanted to tell her that he was fed up with the doctors prodding and poking at him. And what was worse for him he was no longer a man, in his eyes and everyone else’s so he thought.
She takes another sip of her coke as if to swallow her tears. She picks up her iPod and manually changes the song.
(Hello again, hello just called to say hello). The child has now grown up she’s twenty three dancing with her dad. (I couldn’t sleep at all tonight and I know it’s late but I couldn’t wait). She watches still teary eyed as they move around the floor, she remembers that he was terribly ill for six months before this date. She didn’t know at the time it was because he had to make a speech and he didn’t want to let her down. She wouldn’t have minded and neither would anybody else. He’s moving around the dancefloor with her more gracefully then he ever did before. She watches as he whispers into her ear and she remembers the words like it was yesterday. ‘I idolise you Hannah and I worship the ground you walk on you have been my world since the first time I saw you I love you so much and I just want you to be happy.’ This memory makes her take a deep shaky breath. (We’ve been through it all and you love me just the same).
As she blinks the tears away she is now 28, she remembers the giddy sickly feeling she had about going to the place where her dad was. She fast forwards that memory and she is now in a small magnolia room bent over a cd player setting it to play on repeat (maybe it’s been crazy and maybe I’m to blame but I put my heart above my head). She holds hers dads stone cold hand for the last time and kisses him goodbye. As she freeze frames this memory in her mind, she lets out a noise of hopelessness. A noise that she’s not made for a long time, a noise that nobody else hears.

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